Struggling With Routine

Hi Loves
Yesterday as you will know if you follow me on Instagram, saw me adding yet another Ikea storage cupboard to the office. It got me thinking at how those images could have had me looking perfectly  organised and in control. Nothing could be further from the the truth, I fly through life by the seat of my pants, and I honestly cannot fathom why.

I have days where I get up before the birds, go into the office at home and work like a mad woman, leaving exhausted but feeling smug, I then proceed to tell everyone how good I have been and how good it felt, stating that this is now my new routine and I am going to be on top of things LOL. Only to be found the following day doing housework, cooking up some random recipe, pottering around, spending an easy 2 hours on the phone to one of my blogging buddies and generally wasting the day.  I go to bed, regretting wasting yet another day and thinking tomorrow I will get organised. I really would like a shrink to analyse my confused brain to tell me why I fight with routine so much. Maybe, having bought up my children and being self employed for the large part of my life had me chained to so much routine that at this old age I am rebelling against it? I envy those who are in control, although my mind says, ah that's boring I would actually quite like to be boring and have some flipping routine.  Him indoors, gets up before dawn, walks the dog at the same time, leaves the house at the same time, returns at the same time. In fact you could time his actions, where, I on the other hand fight routine every step of the way.  Is it just me?  am I odd? when life would be so much better with structure, why do I let it fly out of the window?  I wish I knew the answer.

Maybe this is something that only self employed people suffer with?  when you work you don't have choices, but now I have choices why are they the wrong ones? OR ARE THEY?  maybe I should just accept that this is me, this is now my normal. The postman should not expect to see me dressed and made up in the mornings, and my fridge should not expect to be cleaned on a certain day, maybe I should just go with the flow and let life just do it's thing?  all this would be great if I were not a control freak, which is totally contradictory to how my life runs now.

You know what?  I have no clue why I have written this post, maybe I started out thinking I could justify being unorganised with my time. But no, I have just been left feeling guilty again, thinking I need to get into the office and continue filling the Ikea storage!  Hey Ho -  I guess as they say "all the saints are in heaven" 

How do you cope with being on top of things? any hints would be gratefully received, failing that
 ( send help)

Lyn x